This past weekend I turned 30 years old. Ekkk! I don’t feel like I’ve been on this earth that long, yet as I look back at my 30 years of life I am proud of where God has placed me and used me. Although I don’t feel 30 I have lived every single moment of my time on the earth and looking back I am content with how I lived it, but hope to do more and push harder in the years to come.
In my 10,958 days on this earth I have:
* Overcome huge obstacles with my learning disability and hearing lose, I’ve done what doctors and teachers thought I could never do. * I have achieved my childhood dreams: Married a good man, live in a safe home and give my children things I never had. * I found who I am in Christ: Chosen and Beloved! * I’ve gone from being a shy scared child to a whole woman who isn’t afraid. * I have loved deeply. * I have had the honor of knowing and serving along side some of the greatest warriors for Christ. * I have loved and discipled many amazing teens who have grown up to be God honoring adults who now disciple and love others. * I have traveled to the other side of the planet to share the love of Jesus Christ, and experienced living outside my comfort zone. * I’ve gotten to hold many jobs: from waitress, Santa’s photographer,special needs aid, teacher, youth worker, photographer and mother. * I got to marry my childhood best friend and have two beautiful and amazing children. * I’ve found friends who have become family, I have lived life with people who push me to be better and to fight harder. I am forever thankful for my tribe. * I’ve healed deep childhood wounds and moved into a healthy place with my past. * I have forgiven those who have hurt me. * I’ve given my all for the cause of Christ and found out that I could give more. * I’ve learned that I can’t give up because this life is worth living.
This past year of my life I felt as if I lost myself and truly gave up on everything. I experienced the deepest hurt I’ve ever felt and learned that I can live though it. God has used this past year to humble my heart and bring me into a place of complete surrender to Him. He has used this season of brokenness to rebuild the person He wants me to be in this next phase of life. And it wasn’t an easy process. As I laid in my bed for months in pain with heart ache over the lose of my sweet baby Hunter and experienced the physical pain of a miscarriage only 4 months later, I truly wanted to die. I felt like I couldn’t move and there was no hope for me after experiencing such deep traumatic pain. My heart and body were broken beyond repair (so I thought) and I actually didn’t want to feel happy or healthy again, because I thought feeling happy meant forgetting and I didn’t want to for get any of the babies I lost this year.However God uses ALL things for His glory and although I am nowhere near healed, I have hope that I will be. I still have really bad days where I fall back into that deep dark pit of pain, but now I have faith God will pull me out. I know that He is not done writing my story, I know that this is not the ending. I don’t think I can ever go back to the person I was before this past year happened, I’m not the same woman, but I know God has a plan for me, it just looks different now. And I am ok with that.
I had dreaded turning 30 and had joked that I was going to just turn 29 again. But you couldn’t pay me to experience this past year again. Turning 30 isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I look forward into the next decade and I am excited. I’m excited to watch my children grow up, it’s crazy to think that my daughter will be in her last year of high school in ten years. I look forward to how God wants to use my story to help others. I look forward to the adventures my husband and I will experience. I can’t wait to see who God brings into my life. I long for what God has planned for me and the people I love. Growing older can be scary, yet we can’t stop the sands of time, we can only run this race with endurance and finish strong for the glory of Jesus Christ.
So here’s my challenge for you, no matter what age or stage of life you are in, lets run together! Lets chase our dreams together, lets push each other, help each other get up and even carry one another when we can no longer run. This year was hard because I thought I was alone, but God brought some of the most amazing people into my life to be on my team and to pick me up and carry me when I couldn’t do it on my own. I’m planning on kicking 30’s butt! Join me as I try to live a life well lived for the God who gave us this life!