I’ve struggled with being sick my whole life. Spent so much of my childhood in hospitals having surgeries, you’d think I would be used to it by now. But I’m not. I’ve spent the past decade being pretty healthy and thanking God for the gift of healing in my life. However I’ve been struggling with health issues again, since early January. And it all finally caught up with me this past weekend. My body just refused to go any further.
My life verse has been: Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.
I want to live my life to the fullest. I want to serve my God to the best of my abilities. I want run my race and crawl across the finish line completely used up. I want to come to the end of my life knowing I used everything God gave me and didn’t waste one moment. However weeks like this week makes me feel like my body wasn’t built to run. I push myself, never saying no and never giving up. But apparently the stress I put my body under is too much for it to handle.
Health issues I thought were long gone are back, along with new ones that have rendered me to the sidelines. But just because I can’t run right now doesn’t mean I can’t be doing something for the Kingdom of God.
Things I learned while laying in bed this week:
1. I hate watching television.
2. I get mean when I am locked in a room for extended periods of time.
3. Once I get over feeling sorry for myself, I can spend time in God’s word.
4. Once I got over being angry at God for being “sick” I could spend time praying for the people I love and the ministries I work in.
5. I could use this time to text people and encourage them.
6. And here’s the hardest thing I learned. I really really do need rest.
I find myself asking God “why did you make my body so weak?” I mean honestly there are millions of people who would love a good excuse to stay in bed for days. But I hate it. I hate stopping, I hate being told NO. Ironic that my last blog post before getting so sick was about struggling with God telling me NO. I guess I am still working on that!
I’m still learning, learning about the God I love so much, learning about the limitation of my body, learning how to balance life and my health… I’m still learning. I’m not exactly sure what the point of this blog is, other then to let people know I am ok, just needing a break and rest. I’ll be back to life soon, I just need to learn the limitations of my body and learn how to say no when I need to.